Make Room… DIVA Comin’ Through!
Hi :)
Reading: The Stone Sky by NK Jemisin
Watching: Summer House; House of the Dragon
In: Workout classes, dark bedding, being busy
Out: Apologizing, moping, dwelling
Let’s get into it!
We’re gonna start this one a little different. I want to try something. I want you to picture the person you want to be. Be specific. What do they do the second they wake up? What do they do when they get home from work? What do they do when they are upset? Who are they at a party? What would people say about them in a documentary? Glorify them. Romanticize them — even their flaws. Picture them and describe them in the same way you would describe someone you are hopelessly in love with.
For me? I picture a girl that is unapologetic. A girl that walks out of a room and leaves everyone in awe. A girl whose smile in the face of hardship can bring joy to any heart. I picture a girl that is hilarious, and ridiculous, and cringy, and is absolutely in love with herself. In short, I picture a damn diva.
I don’t know about y’all, but I have spent so much time in the last few months feeling insecure. I have felt insecure about my looks. I have beat myself up for feeling insecure about my looks. I have felt like a failure. This summer marks one year since being laid off, and while I am thankful that the Lord took away a job that I was not passionate about, I never would have imagined that I would still be stuck in the same place a year later. I have felt like a loser because while my friends are so busy absolutely kicking ass and taking names (and I am so proud of them for that), I lay in bed wondering when my life is going to change. I have felt so lost because I don’t even know what I want to do with my life, let alone how to achieve it.
Well, I am here to say I am over it. I am done wasting time beating myself up over anything and everything. I am done being so scared of being uncomfortable or being too much that I go through this short life trying to force myself to be small and meek. Today, and for the rest of this year, I vow to embrace my inner diva.
In this new chapter of my life, that begins today, I am the one and only main character. Every struggle I have will simply be a plot point that I will one day romanticize. I will laugh when I want to cry. I will not only stay strong and hopeful as I go through this journey of figuring my shit out, I will actually enjoy the road trip.
Okay, now that the manifestation portion of the post is complete, let’s get real — because there is nothing I hate more than a gal that gets online and says “just start living your dream life!” as if it is that easy. I am under zero delusion that this turning point in my mindset means I will have no bad days. However, my prayer is that when I am feeling insecure, or alone, or like I am failing at life, I can return to this post and remember that girl I pictured at the beginning of writing this, and try to be a little more like her.
I also want to be VERY clear about my definition of a diva (which I now am). I think that society has painted the diva as a girl who cares about nothing and no one but herself. This is not my diva. My diva has empathy. She hurts when her loved ones hurt. She cares about the world around her (and stays informed on it). She is willing to admit when she is wrong. HOWEVER! I personally struggle with apologizing not because I have done something wrong, but because I feel as though choosing to take up space, or cause discomfort, or be my full self, is something to apologize for. I have a feeling some of my female readers might be able to relate. My diva has discernment — she knows how to be unapologetically herself, while also knowing when to apologize WHEN WARRANTED. She accepts her imperfections, without being blind to them.
So, my question for you is, what does your inner diva look like? Will you join me in letting her out?
Love y’all, and until next post <3
xoxo
